Newswire – Microsoft announced today a brave new plan to combat the US rising energy costs. First in a long line of improvements, they will now begin charging $4,798,567.99 for a copy of their new Windows operating system (Vista), set to release in early Spring of 2006. Simultaneously, they will end all support for previous operating systems and release a devastating virus that will cause your computer to pick up a top hat and cane and sing “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal …”
“Those who can’t afford $4 to $5 million for a copy of our operating system can just try and make their own” said a major billionaire stockholder whose net worth is more than many third world countries. He says, “I’m tired of my company profits being low. I want more money and making people pay more is the way to do it.”
Their second plan to combat rising energy costs is to eliminate 70% of the people. “If we eliminate 70% of the people in this nation, my blasted air conditioner in my 5th house won’t go out anymore because of power outages, and that would be a very good thing. 50,000 barrels of oil per person is more than enough for me and my Learjet.” Says Microsoft CEO. He refused to divulge his plan to us in order to keep the 70% from preparing for our impending doom, although we suspect is will be linked to your singing and dancing computer.
For Horribly Inaccurate and Totally False News, this is Jason Smith – Reporting.
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2 comments:
I believe that Holly has brought up some very good points. While I don’t agree with everything in her comment I think that it would behoove us to look more carefully at what she got right. Her subtle yet poignant use of capital letters is what has intrigued me the most.
We live in a world today that views capitals as being over the top and dare I say, arrogant. Many assume that just because capitals are used, the person is upset and yelling to get their personal view across more aggressively. I do not believe this to be the case with Holly’s comment. I have read many of Holly’s post and while she does tend to come across as happy-go-lucky and carefree, I believe that there is a much deeper side to her.
Notice how she used not just one exclamation but three, and I am not sure if anyone else picked up on this or not but she actually commented twice. Her last comment was a bit more subdued and did not come across as aggressively as her first but I think that the meaning of this second comment is perfectly clear. Her first comment came from a place of deep personal conflict. It is obvious to me that she is very passionate about the subject matter in her comment and is trying desperately for someone to hear what she has to say. Her second comment is more of a whisper in a dark room. When you hear a whisper in a dark room your first thought is that those darn chipmunks are back to try and steal my goose feather filled decorative pillows, but when you really lean into the darkness and listen carefully to what is being whispered you realize that it is absolute truth that you are hearing and it profoundly effects your life in a way that you could never express with words on someone else’s blog. I say that we all should put our hands together and congratulate Holly for having the courage to stand up in a dark room where no one can see her and whisper her comment so softly that not really anyone heard it.
Kudos Holly!
After much internal debate and personal soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I need to start my own blog. This was not an easy decision for me since I already have my own blog that I post to on occasion (albeit a long time since I have posted). This however, is a new kind of blog, one that I don’t believe has ever existed in the blog community until now. I am going to call it the Symbioblog.
Let me break down the symbioblog for you. The first part of the word comes from the Greek word symbiosis, meaning the living together in more or less intimate association or close union of two dissimilar organisms. Then we have the word blog or to blog, which of course comes from the ancient Atlantian language meaning to assault another individual or group of individuals with your own ideology in written form on large stone tablets until said individual or group of individuals relents to your way of thinking or dies from blunt force trauma. Thus, symbioblog will be, in essence, the uncomfortable procedure of implanting my ideology and way of thinking onto someone else’s blog.
After a thorough search of the internet and countless hours spent reading supermarket coupons I have chosen Jays Random Rants & Raves (JRR&R) as my host blog. Now I know what your asking yourself, “Who is this guy that thinks he can just come on JRR&R and start using it as a venue for his own brilliant and insightfully dogmatic views?!” The simple answer to that question is rather boring and not really worth mentioning. I will however tell you that I am a rather shallow man that takes great pleasure in eating large amounts of peanut butter on a toasted English muffin, if that makes me a bad person then so be it.
As is true in all really good symbiotic relationships (at least the ones that I have seen on the Sci-Fi channel), Jays permission was not obtained before deciding on this course of action. To be honest I don’t really know Jay personally although I believe that we have met once at the foot of a mountain at 4 A.M. He seemed to me to be a rather intelligent fellow of good character and he had a firm grip when I shook his hand (always a good sign). My only connection to Jay, if that is what you want to call it, is through his brother-in-law, Sir Wilbur Wolf of Montana. Mr. Wolf is a man that has the heart of rabid mink and the body of one as well, although less fury. I did not so much meet Mr. Wolf as I did happen upon him one morning at my place of work. I at first mistook him for a feral child that had come in from the cold to find shelter in our building, it turns out he was a new employee.
I have strayed from my point which is this; Jay didn’t know this was going to happen to his blog today, he is probably a bit concerned about this new relationship that has been thrust upon him. I feel that it is necessary for all of us to be really nice and talk softy to him all the while smiling in a warm and comforting way until he is lulled into a state of complacency. I am confident that he will one day realize that this new and exciting idea is going to one day make him well, nothing really. Let’s face it, he is just the host and I will be the driving force of this symbioblog. I mean really, who wants to read about a visit to Ben and Jerry’s anyway…
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