Microsoft plans to reduce energy costs

Newswire – Microsoft announced today a brave new plan to combat the US rising energy costs. First in a long line of improvements, they will now begin charging $4,798,567.99 for a copy of their new Windows operating system (Vista), set to release in early Spring of 2006. Simultaneously, they will end all support for previous operating systems and release a devastating virus that will cause your computer to pick up a top hat and cane and sing “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal …”

“Those who can’t afford $4 to $5 million for a copy of our operating system can just try and make their own” said a major billionaire stockholder whose net worth is more than many third world countries. He says, “I’m tired of my company profits being low. I want more money and making people pay more is the way to do it.”

Their second plan to combat rising energy costs is to eliminate 70% of the people. “If we eliminate 70% of the people in this nation, my blasted air conditioner in my 5th house won’t go out anymore because of power outages, and that would be a very good thing. 50,000 barrels of oil per person is more than enough for me and my Learjet.” Says Microsoft CEO. He refused to divulge his plan to us in order to keep the 70% from preparing for our impending doom, although we suspect is will be linked to your singing and dancing computer.

For Horribly Inaccurate and Totally False News, this is Jason Smith – Reporting.

What would you do?

So apparently many of the commuters in Green Bay, WI are a bunch of theives according to AOL "Strange but true news" (http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20051026214809990004). A few months ago I wrote about my new use of AOL explorer instead of internet explorer and now I have a "feeds" section. I like to read AOL's strange but true news sometimes. Well, looks like a bag of cash rained over a bunch of commuters in Green Bay and what did they do? Stuffed it in their pockets and ran away. That's right. No calling the police and no picking it up for the police, just "Hey, there's some money for my new plasma screen TV." Where's the honesty and integrity in people anymore? Well, if a bag of money drops on your head, please bring it to the nearest police station.

10 fun ways to annoy your friends and loved ones.

1. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ....
2. Stuff dead leaves into their new car's air system for their anniversary (confetti).
3. Teach their kids catch lines from 10 year old commercials (...whasuuuup).
4. Run around like a banshee, drink soda, and eat candy with their kids right before bedtime.
5. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ...
7. Skip a line in a list that you send to them.
8. Force them to watch Lawrence of Arabia nonstop without a bathroom break.
9. Have a machine call them up and when they pick up say "Please wait, (insert name here) will be with you shortly"
10. Create a blog site and ask them to read your endless ramblings.

Endless Spam

I never knew until I started my blog here that a blog could be spammed if you left it open to anonomous comments. Several times now I've posted a picture of Alanna and received some comments such as "Your blog is very interesting. Based on the information here I think you might be interested in Charles Babbage's Difference Engine invented in 1822" or "This is a cute picture, perhaps you might be interested in Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - i.e. a disease caused by ultra-microscopic particles of sandy volcanic dust."

Come on people. I could perhaps receive spam such as "Based on your blog, your readers may be interested in 101 ways to make your kids eat broccoli" or the world renound site "How to shoot peas over 50 yards from your nose" I don't think my readers are interested Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitaetenhauptbetriebs-
werkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft (yes it's a real word) thank you very much.

Incidentally, if you liked this post, you may be interested in http://members.aol.com/gulfhigh2/words11.html
I borrowed some words from that site. :)

Alanna's first visit to the best food producer on earth.

Apple Picking

There's something about going apple picking (having grown up in New England) that gets one in the mood and prepared for the cold months to come. You simply cannot begin the fall and winter season without kicking it off with a good slice of apple pie or apple crisp. Not only does going apple picking help you get in the mood of fall, but it also gets you in the mood of giving, which is something that most of us should do more of anyway.

How does apple picking get us in the mood of giving? Well, if you (like my family did), buy a bag at the orchard, by the end of the day you end up with about 20 pounds of apples. Although my daughter (1 1/2 years old) can pack away apples in her belly better than anyone, she just isn't up to the task of eating close to her weight of them. So, we made apple pie, apple crisp, apple brown betty, apple pie again, apple crisp again and so on. What can you do but give them away?

Go give stuff away :)