The Eleven Commandments of the USA

(The real 10 Commandments can be found in Exodus 20 - the real commandments are useful to us today because they show us that we do wrong (Romans 3:23) and that we don't deserve heaven. But we can still go to heaven if we call on God Romans 10:13)

The Ten Eleven Commandments of the USA

1. Thou shalt not tell others that there is only one God and one way to enter heaven.

2. Thou shalt not read the bible unless you have time. Thou shalt not pray unless you are in a really tough spot in your life. And whatsoever thou doest, never pray or bring a bible to a school.

3. Thou shalt not tell anyone to watch their language as it is a hindrance to their freedom of speech.

4. Thou shalt play sports, go to the beach, sleep in, travel, or do any other activity, but whatsoever thou doest, thou shall not go to church unless there is absolutely nothing else in your schedule.

5. Honor anybody famous.

6. Thou shalt not murder, especially if thou art the government and are punishing someone for breaking this rule. If thou dost break this rule, depending on how much publicity you get, you will spend 25 years (less if you are good), in prison, working lightly and getting free meals, exercise rooms, and TV.

7. Thou shalt receive really high TV ratings if thou have adultery in the show.

8. Thou shalt not steal … very much. Unless thou dost not get caught, then it’s o.k.

9. Thou shalt say anything thou wishest in order to get things you want. If thou dislike thy neighbor, by all means, lie to get rid of them.

10. You shalt love money, sex, houses, cars, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, and all other worldly goods that you can get. You shall work as hard as you can to obtain these things.

11. Thou shalt not put the unrevised version of these commandments in a public place.